Andrew Borg Cardona’s extra-sensory perceptions

Many people are right when they comment about how the standards of the Times of Malta have fallen these past years.

It’s incredible.
The questions which were put to Joseph Muscat during a genuine interview are in bold.
The answers following are not Joseph Muscat’s genuine answers but what Dr Andrew Borg Cardona “mind-read” through immense extra-sensory efforts of his.

ABC reading Joseph Muscat's mind

In reality what he wrote is only a failed attempt at satire to cover up what would otherwise be putting his own words in Joseph Muscat’s mouth.

The answers which ABC  “mind-read” out of Joseph Muscat, are nothing but what ABC and his ilk so desperately wish the rest of the Maltese population to believe.

Like their theory of attributing Franco Debono’s actions to old school rivalry with Joseph Muscat rather than due to being fed up with the flawed ‘puppet-on-a-string’ leadership maneuvered by a clique within the PN. The most laughably unlikely of theories: sure, Franco Debono destroyed his very own future with the PN out of spite against Joseph Muscat. Oh, and he did so also in order to become a minister. Or was it, according to the last one by Beppe Fenech Adami, that he did so in order to become Prime Minister and to make Beppe minister for justice?

Here’s ABC’s mind-reading session reproduced below to spare you clicking other links. The author still thinks that the Maltese population has a lower IQ than a hen. And that the elite creme de la creme PN clique have a higher IQ than the back-benchers of Parliament. Wishful thinking dott! We know parrots and parroting have become fashionable lately but please next time try writing something funnier instead of parroting what’s being churned out by the PN propaganda machine.

I hope ABC takes this criticism of mine in good stride and doesn’t get overly offended. Like his blog-mate Daphne he’s quite an excellent writer as long as politics is not a topic, I’m not being ironic here because I do respect their eloquence and ways of tackling a topic.
However at the very mention of politics both come out as subtle, objective, reasonable and believable as Squidward writing on Spongbob’s best features*,  hence undoing the reputation they’ve been building for years within a couple of minutes. One has to admit that political satire is far from being their forte.

For your convenience and reading pleasure, I’ve reproduced the question in bold, after which the Thoughts of the Leader appear.  For the actual answer given, you’ll have to do your own digging.

The timing of the vote of no confidence is being interpreted by the PN as a sign of hunger for power on your behalf. Don’t you think this PN strategy could eventually work against you? Hmm, he knows I didn’t really think this one through, especially with Franco starting to mess me around again – I should have been nicer to him at St Aloysius…

The PN only called a vote of no confidence the following March and that was linked to Mr Mintoff’s abstention to a vote on foreign policy. You’ve pounced at the opportunity after a couple of weeks.  What do you mean, it’s already been a couple of weeks?  I want to be Prime Minister and I want to be it now, darn it…

So you’re saying the PN should also have called a vote of no confidence in late 1997.  Well, if they had, we wouldn’t be messing around, I’d be Prime Minister already, but I can’t say that…

How will the Labour Party react if Franco Debono abstains from Thursday’s vote? I shouldn’t say we’ll weep and wail and we’ll stamp our feet, should I? Oh well, back to the instability issue: I wish he’d get off this tack.

Are you saying the situation will remain unresolved even if Dr Debono supports the government on Thursday? Get off this line, already – I can’t bear to think what will happen if Franco doesn’t bring the Government crashing down next week, I need to be PM and I need it now. I’ll spin the investment line, that always sounds good.

The PL has evidently jumped on the Debono bandwagon. Be honest, do you think Debono’s demands and ways are justified?  Does this guy think I’m a total idiot?  It’s only the Lil’Elves, bless’em, who think Franco makes sense – I’ve known him too long – flipping heck, way too long – to risk being seen in the same neck of the woods as him.

How would you react if one of your MPS acts this way when you’re PM? I’ll belabour him or her about the head with a rolled up copy of the Orizzont, that’s what I’ll do, but I can’t say that, so it’s back to blaming Gooonzi.

Considering the global problems, does it pay the PL to go for an election now? Who does this guy think I am, Edward Scicluna or something. How the heck am I supposed to know about global problems, it’s all I can do to focus on local ones?  I’ll just say we’re ready to govern, no-one will know different and by the time we’re in, it will be too late.

At what point has your electoral manifesto reached? Again, does this guy not know who I am?  Better dump it onto Karmenu Vella, he’s old enough not to mind taking the blame.

You said the PL is the underdog in this election.  Damn it, are they never going to let me forget this one?  Yes, we’re the underdog, because the electorate isn’t stupid and it’s made it clear to us so many times that I’ve lost count.

You might say you’re not taking things for granted, but in the party there’s strong optimism. MP George Vella has even referred to you as the “Prime Minister”. Well, wasn’t he right to do so?  He’ll have to get used to it … but wait, I can’t look over-confident, dial it back.

MEP Simon Busuttil said: “Muscat walks like a Nationalist, talks like one. He even dresses up like one. But he does not have PN policies. Correction – he does not have any policies.” Do you have policies?  Policies?  Now there’s an interesting idea, I suppose we should get some.  I wonder if I can remind people I used to be in Brussels, maybe they’ll forget I tried so hard not to be.

So are you saying the government’s track record on the economy – which is its biggest propaganda call – false?  Ouch, this one hurts, I’ll just chuck him a one-liner “Ask the people out there” will sound nice.

Do you fear the people might ultimately vote for continuity, a ‘ safe’ government for the economy?  Have I been talking in my sleep or something – what do you think is one of my biggest fears?  I’ve got to get the house swept again, the klikka must have bugged it.  All I can do is waffle, and I’m even starting to bore myself.  I’ll tell him to look at our track record.

What track record? You’re in Opposition and you only get a track record when you’re put to the test.  Bugger, I didn’t think of that answer – time to wheel out the past, and when they shove it back in our faces, I’ll rely on the chorus-girls to screech that we’re living in the present.

What’s the first thing your government will do for the economy? Bingo, water and electricity diversion time.

Last November, you had told me you will divulge the plans on how to slash rates when the time is right. With an early election looking likely, is it the right time? Keep hoping, chummy, I’m not as stupid as some of my Lil’Elves sound.

‘When the time is right.’ When is the time right?  And now for one of my specials: “The time is right when it will be right.”   Hang on, is that an oxymoron?  No, it’s a statement of the bleedin’ obvious, so that’s ok then.

When? Weeks, months before the election?  Enough of this, shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Almost always, elections will also be fought on the strength of the leaders. Will your young age put you at a disadvantage with voters?  And your point is?  Stand by to be dazzled with a good dose of “me, me, me”, if Franco can do it, I can do it standing on my head, although he got better marks than me in Form Two.

What would you tell those voters who are saying the PL cannot guarantee the continuity they clamour? Now there’s a thought, people not thinking I’m the best thing since sliced bread.  How could they?  Back to the stability line, I like it.

And you are ready to govern. Gagging for it, matey, gagging for it.

* Squidward Quincy Tentacles is SpongeBob and Patrick’s next-door neighbor; an ill-tempered, grouchy octopus with a large nose and a rather snobby attitude. He adores playing his cherished clarinet, which he has been shown to bring to bed with him at night sometimes, and loves to paint self-portraits in all sorts of different artistic styles, which he hangs up all around the walls of his Easter Island head house. He abhors SpongeBob and Patrick for their irritating, disruptive personalities and would rather lead a peaceful life as a famed musician and painter instead of as a cashier at the Krusty Krab, which is his current occupation. Source.



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4 responses to “Andrew Borg Cardona’s extra-sensory perceptions

  1. Sorry NOOOO …we do not rate their what u call eloquence !
    The eloquence we the people look at is the truth …
    The as it really is and not old fashioned literary course educated jargon that through that respect spins shit within its disguise !
    NO …. that is not media for the people, of the people, to the people ! …
    that is blatant DOMINATION.
    The TIMES of MALTA is now
    The TIMES of GONZI

    Now go get a life you newspaper full of well written S H I TTTTT !

    No For Gonzi

  2. I ask all those who are reading this comment : How many times have you ever seen or heard, Andrew Borg Cardona ( Il-Bocca) alias I:M:Beck,and ” The Queen of Bile” – as Saviour Balzan describes her – ,namely, Daphne Caruana Galiziat of ” Flying Plates ” fame, taking part in a TV or radio debate ? As far as I can recall – NEVER ! Why ? Because in a debate they do not have enough time to think how to twist arguments . Both of them know that if they dare take part in such debates, they would be completely floored ! And their bloated ego will be blown to smithereens !!

  3. Damn you’re right! How come we never heard any of these people SPEAK?

    • Dr. Andrew Borg Cardona – like Daphne Caruana Galizia – NEVER takes part in any political debate or discussion on TV. They both feel safe behind their computer knowing that Dr. Joseph Muscat will never stoop to replying to the trash they churn out !

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